March 30, 2011

this little child of mine...

I have a little message
for this little child of mine

I've been so hesitant to even open up about this
because it makes me hold a mirror up to myself in may ways too
but when it comes to my kiddos
I would do anything for them

I have a precious almost 5-year-old
that is a perfectionist
that does not like perform, talk, etc. in group settings

unless she can do it perfectly

this little child of mine
wants to study something so precisely
before she even tries the first time

she wants to do it perfectly the very first time

this little child of mine
is waaay too hard on herself
definitely more than she should be
and that breaks my heart at times

she wants to take on it all
to me…
that’s not reasonable
to be quite honest

so this sweet child of mine
I do worry about

I've even been told by a couple of people
"what's happened to her? she wasn't always this way..."
{really, hmmm…}

...a little sting to me as a parent
“when sorry...”
is what I want to say
“you are wrong”

she has in fact always been this way
since the day she was born
both of my children are not like this
Madison and Hayley are completely different
so I know it is with her personality

and with different children you have to do things a little different
depending on that child

this little child of mine has always been
extremely motivated, organized, precise,
and eager to learn/study to get it "perfect"
especially in front of others

she has always been particular
even to hold her head up very early {as a newborn}
she was determined
to crawl and walk so so early
she was determined

I do know Madison
I am her mother
maybe over-protective at times
as I can relate to her personality
so I just want to hold and love on her

I have a sweet child of mine
that takes on so much with that little heart of hers

for a parent knows their child more than anyone
one of the beauties/responsibilities of being a parent
in my eyes
is that you can acknowledge
and see these traits when they aren’t helping them grow
and I have seen them bring her down a bit in her confidence and belief
so Bobby and I are doing something about it

I don't want to change this child of mine and the way she is “wired”
I want to improve, encourage, and grow her belief
I want her to learn to use those traits in a very positive/healthy way
a way that only helps her to succeed and reach her dreams later in life

I want her to be careful about setting unreasonable expectations of herself

I feel like there are days when I can’t tell her enough:

“God made you perfectly just the way you are…
 you don’t have to be perfect…
mistakes are more than okay to make
that's part of life”

all the things I have really learned or succeeded in life
I failed in the beginning or
I’ve had to keep trying
to get better
she is at such a young age that
she doesn't quite fully grasp that concept
{and I don't expect her to...I just want to help her along}

"It's okay to make mistakes"
"It's okay to fail
wipe yourself off and get back up"
"It's okay to have to try again"

I've worked for
I've had to practice at
I've had to fail at
I've had to get better
and I've had to embrace myself with my limits
I do want my kids to still see I make mistakes all the time

this little child of mine
I want to just hold and protect
and tell her all that every chance I get

we wanted her to find her niche
something that didn’t involve me always telling her
and something she could work at herself

she needed this
 something she could learn in a group setting
and not be afraid to make mistakes in front of others

she needed something that had things she could accomplish and try again at
she needed to BELIEVE in herself
that she could do it
all on her own

I want to see this child use her traits to blossom
and to always be herself

I wanted to let her know that she can try new things in group settings
and not *always* get it right
but with practice, study, and trying again she will get more comfortable
she will get it

and that is why

my sweet child of mine
is now taking tae kwon do
and I couldn't be more proud of her after 2 1/2 weeks of it
I have seen this child of mine
blossom more in these past couple of weeks than ever before

she was very intimidated to begin the first week
both Hayley and her are taking classes together
it really helped to have her sister, Hayley, there in the beginning

now after 2 ½ weeks Madison is keeping her sister “in line” in class
and helping Hayley
line up
run laps
and be quiet when it’s time to listen

 in class…
Madison is trying
and not always getting it right
but you know what
she is getting back up with a smile on her face
having fun
and trying again until she does

that makes me a proud mama right there
her just trying again
and having fun with it

that is all I will ever ask of this child of mine

before she started...I talked with her instructor about my worries with her
about how I want her to BELIEVE in herself
I want her to learn how to make mistakes and continue on
and learn from having to practice
not perfectionism

I want her to be comfortable with herself
and appreciate her strengths
not focusing on her weaknesses
unless it is to work on them in a healthy way

I want this little girl to be confident
and see herself succeeding
I want her to approach new opportunities without even thinking about it
I want her to know that perfection is not what is important
but more importantly
learning from everything she does is what is important

I think we have found "that something"
that is helping her with all of that
to see this little girl’s confidence grow and bloom
has brought me some tears during her class
happy tears of course that are quickly wiped away
{I swear I cry at everything they do now}

Miss Madison
is very proud and happy about her uniform by the way
yesterday before her class she wanted to put it on
and pose for me in a pictures
all poses volunteered by her
{she particularly loves that she has a belt by the way}

I just think that is the cutest
how excited she is

this sweet child of mine
I will always be very proud of you

{btw...the "wait and see" song I just love in that He does have a plan for each of us
obviously all the wording doesn't all apply to Madison with some things}


Tish said...

you're such a wonderful mother, martha :)


Julie said...

so beautifully said and also sounds so familiar about someone else i know :o)

those two girls are lucky to have the mama that they do.

Laurie said...

Well, if you ever need to talk to someone going through the EXACT same thing, let me know! It's so tough when they're so hard on themselves. So tough! One thing we're trying now that Allison is a little more mature is to role play. For example, we worked on ways she might react when she misses her first spelling word (hasn't happened yet, but we know it will), and it was kind of fun to play out different responses, you know, being silly and all. You might tuck that idea in your bag of tricks. :)

I'm happy to hear that Madison has found an outlet where she's comfortable practicing to get perfect instead of expecting it to happen right away. That's GREAT! Plus, she just looks SO cute in the outfit. :)