October 21, 2009

I've tried...

To Let THEM be...

Hmmm....as I finish up vacation pics...some anxious family waiting to see the rest {I'm told}...I've had a difficult time really finishing up...it means that I must get back to the "real" world...I must admit that it is now fall...{I love fall usually...don't get me wrong....love that I can wear jeans and boots now:)}...but I miss where we were already...

Let them be...came to me this morning during my run...as I was viewing the rest of the pics last night...I was thinking...what do I think about when I see these pictures?....I didn't know last evening...

Let them be....a perfect description...

Lately...well awhile now...I really cannot even remember when it started...but one thing I do know...is that it has been hard...you see...those that know us well...often think...Madison is seriously almost a clone of me...{you read that right}...so alike with me...it's almost nuts:)...{poor Daddy,right?}

And why is that important?...well...it has been distance...one of the hardest things for me to deal with as a mother so far...distance between us in that she tests me more than anything...she's 3 1/2 ...yep...you read that right too....3 1/2...and yes...I know it's the age too {finding her boundaries...the attitude starts friends have told me}...but I tell you it is hard...so hard sometimes tears well up when the day is finished...
Hubby travels a lot these past 4 or so years...so when I think about it...during the week...I'm the comforter...I'm the discipline...I'm the cook...I'm the one she has to listen to...But also I try to love on her in her language...when she needs it...I'm the one who determines whether she gets those stars...I'm the one she is so similar too...I'm the one who tries to make it okay when she says she misses her Daddy...I'm just the one...and I honestly LOVE that more than anything...that is why I do what I do...so I can have this...but like I said it is hard sometimes...
...At 3 1/2 she pushes me away...quietly...just like her mommy does sometimes in life...I see her pulling back...I feel her challenging my every word, question, request...and really that's okay...
She's only finding her boundaries with me...it's a part of motherhood...I know...
I also know that maybe since I have had her sister...she has wonderfully become a Daddy's girl...I say wonderfully because oh their relationship melts my heart in so many ways...I love it...from the way she looks at her Daddy to when he comes back in town and she runs to greet him...I treasure that for them...because I know...
I just know that a daughter and her Daddy's relationship is a very important one...experience I'll say...
{So} this trip...wow it did wonders for us to spend some quality time together...just the four of us...and we each had some quality time with each kiddo while on the beach...it's important...it's wonderful...and she now is reaching for me again...maybe because I've {tried to} Let her be....I've simply tried my best ~ all I can do, right?~...accepted those challenges she has given me...and have gone at her pace as much as I am able to...I've tried to be as patient as I can...I know her love language...and I have tried to love her like she needs...{obviously not always perfect or patient with it...but I've done my best}...
I'm trying to set the foundation now...that when she needs her space...I'll allow it as long as she reaches back out when she's ready...
that when she needs me to be silly and embarrass her to make her laugh...I'll do that...she hates when I dance to embarrass her..."Stop Mommy"...she says with a giggle...
when she is having a hard time expressing herself...I'll {try to} help guide her...
when she needs some boundaries from me...I'll have to set them for her...
...because I love her that much...
to let her be Daddy's girl...because there are times when she just needs only him....and I truly love that...
...and when she needs her Mommy...I'll be right here too......and times when she wants to experience life by herself......and when she needs her sister...I'll show her how to ask...I'll let them be together...
...there will be times later when she only needs Hayley...
And times where Hayley needs to stand alone too...

Times where Hayley sees she needs to also discover...{just a note~plain pineapple juice in that cup:)}

 
She needs to know how much Hayley looks up to her...
for the past few weeks Hayley is obsessed with using the big girl potty...
already at 19 months...no joke!...
and it's all because she looks up to Madison...she loves her...and is inspired by her...

She wants to follow her footsteps...
But explore on her own...finding her own cadence in life too...

Times when Hayley needs only Daddy and Madison...



And times where all four of us...just need us...that's what this vacation did...it gave us renewal...at a place we all love and cherish...the beach...we all grew together...while we didn't even realize it...

I've {tried to} let them be...{although I know for sure...that is something I will have to remind myself everyday as a mother}...Let them be...

...And Hayley...this morning was a big morning for me...her first day that when I dropped her off at school...
she didn't cry...not a sad face...
she reached right out to her teachers...and said "Mommy Go"...{not telling me to go...but she was saying Mommy will go...{because that is usually what I tell her}...and Mommy will come back}...and she smiled...

...Let her be...

I promise not too many more vacation posts...just one more...a really fun experience with turtles for Miss Madison...

8 comments:

Amanda Bruss said...

ok, I'm sobbing. Yes a beautiful post!!! I think I've said it before but we think alot alike sometimes!!

Jeanneoli said...

WOW...what a gorgeous post. Your girls are precious.

Tracey said...

I'm glad the trip did you some good as a family! Our little ones are so precious to us, but they sure can test us to our very limits, I know!! Beautiful, beautiful pics!

I hear you are coming to K's event in Dec. - yeah!!!

:) T

Kasey said...

Martha...a beautiful post just beautiful.
xo

Linda @ My Trendy Tykes said...

Beautiful post....gorgeous pics!!

Oh yeah, and you are now banned from my blog.

You are SKINNY and TOO Pretty.

Surely you understand, right?

HEE HEE! (I'm only pulling your leg)
or am I?

ROCK that bikini, momma!

blondiensc said...

Martha, this was the sweetest post. i have a son who is 2.5 and he loves his daddy but we have this strange little connection, he and i...and this post made me realize at some point I will have to let him go too, and that will be so hard...I try to let him be, but like you i want to be there...always, and we are, but maybe at a distance making sure they are always ok! Great post, and beautiful photos~

Tish said...

oh martha, this is the sweetest blog i've ever come across : )

i love your posts. i'm gonna get in trouble at work! lol...i can't stop reading!!!

paige said...

martha, i'm so glad you stopped by. i've enjoyed reading your words...i love the insight you have into your girls hearts. what a wonderful mommy you are!

your family is gorgeous & i have to tell ya, i wish i looked like that in a bikini!

i scrolled through several of your posts & saw that you were able to go hang with kasey! lucky girlie! i love all your treasures. i told her yestserday that i want some rolled up little papers too. we girls are so silly with our vintage goodies!

loved grooving to van morrison too!
xo