I have redone this post possibly a million times in my head...and notes written down...and somehow I find difficulty in finding the right words for this...but I have decided to just let it come out as it is...sometimes the rawness is the best way to put things...not always...but possibly for this...just maybe...I am so very thankful for my great friendships I do have...my friendships in my neighborhood...my childhood friendships...my friendships in my business and from my clients who I have gotten to know...my friendships from church...my friendships from family...so for all those reading...don't for a moment think this is about you...
Friday...was such a pleasant morning until a situation came about that was unkind to me...over time I have felt it has quite possibly become apparent it could be in fact intentional...I felt pulled backwards...I felt disappointed in them...and MOST of all disappointed in MYSELF. You ever have those kind of feelings?...
I will be honest...those initial feelings of feeling hurt crept up on me so very quickly...why did it bother me? To be honest the hard truth is...because I let it bother me...someone else perhaps hurt me...but it comes down to that I made the choice where I allowed it to continue to hurt me...just a little bump in my life...I emphasie "little" because in retrospect it is "very little"...let's face the fact...the disappointment is with me not saying..."oh well...move on"...it was just one of those things I wish I could hit the "delete" button from my life...but it isn't always so easy when your feelings are involved...
I always turn to my husband and parents for advice...my parents have always taught me to give kindness to others and even when you feel hurt by them...my husband teaches me it is about choice and not allowing things to get to me...but we all have our points when we ask ourselves when is enough...enough?
I am so thankful for that advice and for my loved ones reminding me of that with those types of situations...but my mom asked me recently..."is the friendship still worth it, Martha?"...hmmm....my initial response is "No" just because the hurt was still there from the situation...but everytime I simply come back and always say "Yes." I typically always look at the good in people...perhaps too much I sometimes am told...but when I think of it...I see so much potential with this person...because I have seen this person be great...but I have also felt the moments where I have felt put down...not good about myself around them...
So after this little "incident" I just turned to my girls who were with me...and just looked at all I had to be thankful for...them...my family...my husband...those friendships I adore...whether they are just starting...whether I have had them since I was in 3rd grade...those I have had since high school...the unconditional friendship in family...
I felt the extremes on Friday...so much thankfulness from so many people that love on me and continue to lift me up...and the other extreme of a hurt from someone...so I had to make a choice that day...to talk about it (a little bit of venting too I will admit)...to pray about it...to seek advice...and to give thanks...and to let it go...to the best of my ability...
It is funny though because I received a wonderful gift that day...from a friend in my business who always encourages me...it literally brought me to tears...she sent me a passport cover for my upcoming trip...and a beautiful book about how Encouragement Changes Everything by John Maxwell....I opened the book and read some...and came across a quote that said..."Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." ~ Albert Schweitzer
WOW...and that is why to me thankfulness was so important that day...thank you friends...all of you...and thank you family for all that you give me in return...
Again I worried about doing this post...but I did tell myself to use this blog as a tool...just as in my profile it notes...to share some of lifes not so best moments too...I didn't want this blog to always be about perfection...because I am not that at all...but I also feel there is so much sometimes we should share...even when it is difficult...
Blessings to you all...and to all your great friendships too...
2 comments:
I'm sorry Martha, If you ever need to talk, you now i'm a phone call away, or well , i'm in walking distance... :)
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, Martha. I'm like you- very sensitive and easily hurt. But I like what your mom said- is it worth it? I've had to leave friendships behind after answering "no" to that question. It's hard to do cause you just wish all friendships could last forever and be good. But I heard somewhere- I think it was my first year in MOPS, actually, that some friends are just to have for a season of our lives, and that's okay. Anyway, sorry for rambling, but I really felt your pain in this post. Thanks for YOUR kind email the other day- you are too sweet!! See you tomorrow!! :)
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