Sometimes...

I really feel like the kiddos punish you when you go out of town you know...

my oldest has been snuggling with me all week...which normally she does with Daddy...so I'm definitely loving that...

but my youngest...granted she is a little under the weather right now...has had a week of this....

and this...

and then she looks adorable when she cries...and I laugh...yes...I laughed today when she was bawling her eyes out from a week of no sleep...because I thought she looked cute when she was crying...I know, "bad momma", right...I couldn't help but laugh because this week I was thinkin' was going to be a breeze with being on vacation last week...but

she's making me work for being gone...YEP...I think I need a vacation from the vacation...{you ever feel that way}...but then I guess that would be continuous right...

now don't be looking at my beautiful honey glazed cabinets...I am determined they will be white lets say in 2-3 months...I've got one talented uncle who paints so well it could make you scream...and I think I'm going to do it without you know...the consent {changing them white}...I'm going to go a-askin' my uncle when he has free time...you know...but I'll only do it if you all...have my back...{he, he, he}...when hubby gets home and they are completely different...I can count on you, right?

please tell me to go for it...because I should right?...can't get any better than someone in the family who does an amazing job...

...it really has been one "fun" week...but I tell you...I'm not going to complain because I'm thinking of this guy on the beach...

and that does just the trick...

you know what I mean?

and well this too...{chuckle, laugh here}

can you believe this beautiful bow...
and it's in red...
but I took the plunge and did it anyway...
I'm scared of red everyone...I'm terrified...
and I think I just noticed it could be out of stock now when I went to link it...good thing I got it just in time:)

and  this is the one I was originally after...

sigh...they are out of my size...so I found the above dress...and the bow sucked me in...don't you hate that...

now all I have to do is wait until spring to arrive to wear the darn red bow I'm terrified of...

twiddling my thumbs right about now:) sigh...

I'm craving mahi mahi right about now...grilled fresh...right in front of you...

No it is not a craving because of anything...I just cannot get enough of that fish...and well...I am too scared to try to cook it on my own...maybe just maybe in a couple of month's I'll bribe my mom to do it...since "ahem" she's the chef in the family...me...not so much...that gene totally skipped me...I'm thinking my oldest may acquire it though...

I know this is a bit of randomness...but I've got nothing else this week since you know little has not been well and I'm avoiding all things that need to be done around the house {ahem...laundry}

I suppose you all know by now...laundry is my WORST enemy...by far...I was doing so well not leaving it on the floor...well until you know...the vacation...UH!

uh-oh...Madison just informed me Hayley ate the lip saver...GREAT...it was a brand new stick too...better get going'

love is...

well lets first start off by saying...this is way late...but just know I didn't have internet all week where I was so I had it for well only for 3-4 hours one day...so I have sooo many things to catch up on

but thought I should still do it anyway...and by the way...thank you all for your love and support with my last post...your comments and e-mails I received were truly near and dear to my heart...and you know it was so easy to trust you all with my deeper thoughts and feelings...especially since I have kept it in for so long...you all are the best and some great friends:)

love is...

finding different ways to create hearts together...in the sand, nonetheless...

love is knowing your past of great and difficult times...
{now why this picture loading side-ways...I have no idea}

your present of great times...
and a future of both more to come together...

love is...taking your own pictures that never really turn out...

love is...having your husband make you feel comfortable in a picture by yourself...because it was hard...

love is...being able to just lay in the sand all day with your hubby and know that you don't really even need to say words...although I must say he would definitely remind me of lunch time:)

love is...having your husband laugh at you because it was so cold on the beach a few days that you stayed laying there with a towel {as your blanket} so you can still enjoy the sounds of the ocean...


love is...walking down to a little place on Valentine's morning to watch the sun rise so beautifully...

love is...a big ole' kiss

love is...your husband giving you a hug because you miss the girls...

love is...seeing the most handsome man look back at you...

love is...taking walks on the beach together...

love is coming home to your oldest snuggling with you when she doesn't normally snuggle...
and my youngest waking up and saying "Hi Mommy" over and over with a little miss you in there too

and love is...knowing you can trust, laugh, cry, and spend an entire day in an airport coming home on Valentine's Day and still feel like it's been a pretty romantic day...

Happy Valentine's Day!

this is me...

at the beginning of 2009:


was when I made my first new year change...because I don't normally do those...and "I" for some reason set the beginning of the year "as THE DAY"...


I had some things click for me these past couple of years ~ which is why I made the decision to wear more dresses no matter what ...some may think...
~that's a good plan,
"sounds fun"...or even
"whatever ~ you go do that"...
but what I left out at the time I said it was the"why?" behind it all.


I've shared with you before...


I was a tomboy type growing up...some of my good friends I knew growing up would "AMEN" that...


but when I was really little I would wear cowboy boots with my dresses...and I would never wear anything when I was little that did not pass "my softie" approval...even at age 2 and 3 my mom says...I wouldn't wear it if I didn't like the feel of it...


but I've also told you I do also have a girlie side...even my wedding dress I picked shocked the heck out of everyone because typically people describe me as very simple...maybe even way too simple...


and it wasn't simple


but did you know I'm really not all that simple...not at all...


and when 2009 hit I finally figured out why....when I was very young I did wear those things...and then when I got older it just didn't happen anymore ...and it stayed that way for awhile...

well until I finally made "the decision..."


After reading this post by Tara and her mother ~ it brought it back a few reasons for me - the why! - behind my dress resolution.


...when her mother talked about when Tara gave up dancing ~ she lost a part of her that she still really doesn't have back...I have felt that way with a love too ...

After I tore my second ACL...I let go of soccer completely...some people think it's because I possibly didn't make it...but it was actually by choice


 I never have shared the why with anyone but my parents and Bobby...

I knew I wasn't going to play on the national team or anything like that but that didn't mean my whole heart wasn't in it to play for a great school...I had a big dream.


I gave it up mainly because I didn't trust myself anymore ~


You see I was obsessed with creating myself to be the best I could so much so that I would have 4-5 practices a day ~  I wanted to fine tune my skills so much so that I eventually wore myself out and my muscles never had the opportunity to rebuild and recover...


that is how I ended up tearing my second ACL...it was completely my fault...bad choices equalled a body that was overtired and my "other knee" overcompensated.


As a little back story.... Bobby and I went to different colleges our first year ~ {all the while we stayed together too} it was hard to let go of soccer and be in a new town...with not knowing really anyone...

I wanted to have time to spend with Bobby...yes...I know we were young...but some people DO just KNOW...


So I told the coach I wasn't going to try out but thanked him for the opportunity and his time...I could have eventually earned my scholarship but I had to prove I was 100% rehabilitated with try outs...an
understood request ~ fair enough
I would have been up for it until I realized it wasn't where I was meant to be anymore...I was not in a healthy place to just do the workouts the coaches wanted me to do

I always felt the need to do more or sneak more in, and I couldn't promise myself even with what happened  for the 2nd time that I wouldn't have added the extras.


So I prayed...and there was a different plan revealed to me...

I realized I could not keep down that path of self-destruction and doing too much because I doubt I would have practiced healthy ...and my decision was to let that dream go...


...it was an obsession I didn't feel I had control over ~ that doing more was better...


that's not ever really true in anything I've experienced
I wanted and needed the peace that I felt when I loved it

and I wanted to try to remember the good memories with it like when I used to walk to the high school with the ball bag and cones over my shoulder...I wanted to smile when I thought of that...not think..."it just wasn't enough" or "why didn't I take a break?"


I was too stubborn and young to realize everyone needs a break...heck...even to have fun!


it was not a life and death situation by any means when I let it go...but I was a young girl with big dreams...when I let go of it I buried areas of my personality that were great...and I still struggle to find those things within me even now...


I now can hardly remember all those years I played soccer...they are faint memories I suppressed because I missed it so...although Bobby and my parents will occassionaly help me recall things
I haven't been back to a soccer field since except two years ago when my daughter did soccer camp at age 2:)

sometimes when I see fresh cut grass it reminds me of a soccer field...and when I see a beautiful field from a distance...I still smile...


My routine during "off season" of soccer was this: {and actually very similar during season too}

I'm only detailing this for other parents...the just in case your son/daughter is doing too much...and by the way...it may not stop them anyway if they are stubborn and think they "know it all" {just sayin'}


wake at 5 am...get dressed go for a morning run 2-3 miles or 4-5 miles....I did 2-3 miles when I would work on speed and 4-5 or so miles to work on my conditioning...


I then proceeded to go to the high school gym and practice my foot skills for about an hour or until my first class started


My first class of school was actually an extended weight training class that had all boys except 2 of us girls the first year...so it was a full hour of weight training...


After school I went to cross country practice...for about 1 1/2 hours or so- of all running mind you...


After that I either went home to practice more soccer for an hour or so...or went to soccer practice with my off-season soccer team


unbeknownst to my cross country coaches that I was doing off season soccer...they sat me down after District when they found out because they realized I already peaked in our season...


and I still remember where I sat in the cafeteria with them when we talked...and they told me to just make it through state...and I realized then


"I screwed up"...and it was too late to fix it...


I let my team down ~ I didn't have anything left...


and two months later ~


my second ACL tore during the championship indoor game...{I obviously didn't learn from the talk from coaches and family}


{I promised my Dad I wouldn't go to that game because my parents caught on that I needed to back off and rest before soccer came in the spring}...but I didn't listen and I went anyway.


My friend in high school, Tara, brought me home from the game with a torn ACL {again} and my Dad waiting for me...he didn't know I was hurt ~ until he saw Tara helping me walk up the stairs...and he knew...and I knew he knew with the look on his face


Since then I explained..."I had to go Dad"...I made a commitment to play on that team, and I couldn't just "not go" to the championship game ~ of course my Dad understood that because he has been a coach his whole life.


I remember I couldn't even look at my Dad that afternoon...and my high school soccer coach came over too...and said "just wait Martha for the MRI"...but I knew...I did it again ~ I didn't need the MRI results.


And that is why I don't trust myself still...I want to be the best {the best for myself} so badly that I go overboard...I am still working on trusting myself so I can train for runs someday...


you know the real reason why I stopped wearing dresses...and even shorts in front of many people besides family when I was a freshman in high school?


Well that was when I tore my first ACL...and even though the scar is not bad at all...I was asked by everyone and told it was not pretty and even grose...and even my general doctor at the time said...well "no modeling for you Miss Martha"


but the crazy part to me is when the doctor said that to me...although he was trying to make light of the situation and be funny...{which he did make me laugh with that just a little bit}

but it hurt that my so-called "appearance" was now judged by scars I would have after surgery...


So that is when it began...I wore pants and jeans more often
And then when my second ACL happened my senior year
my scar wasn't as pretty because I would constantly rip it open a bit as it was healing getting out of the car to go to pt...


I never looked back to wearing dresses because I was always asked and had those faces from people that were my age in even college why I had so many scars..."they aren't a lot" and "I know you've had to have seen worse"...I wanted to say so badly,


I often thought...why are you judging my scars when others have it worse...

So I stopped ~ I rarely wore shorts and once in a blue moon dresses or skirts around family and Bobby...but never around others and if I did they were long enough to cover them...


The funny thing when Tara's mom put her daughter losing a part of her when she gave it up that day ~ I can relate...for different reasons ~ my parents and some friends say I have never been the same...very silly I know because I was too young to realize that soccer and my injuries were not what defined me...and in perspective it was "just soccer."


one time in my life I was out-going ~ I have always been girly but I feel I have sort of "punished" myself for my scars for so long that I wasn't myself to show that I have actually always loved to wear dresses...I have always LOVED vintage and iron...Bobby knows that but I was too worried to show ME!



but it is funny how things that happen to you shape who you become later...


And in 2009 in January...I decided to own up to my scars and not be embarrassed for people to see them...
because believe me...they really aren't bad...just in my mind they were...
when other people see my scars...they see scars...
when I look at them ~ I have the feelings associated with them...YOU don't see the feelings  ~ it is only me


and quite frankly...there is a million people who have it worse, right?


The scars are a part of me, and I have decided to own it and wear them with pride...
And when I wear a dress and sit down and it comes slightly above my knee...
they will show...
And I am becoming 100% okay with it...
So here they are...

They aren't bad at all are they...and it took ruffles for me to show them didn't it? And the place of solitude for me too ~ the beach...


my confidence is gaining...and I am starting to do better at taking comments with a grain of salt {which means I still stink at doing that most of the time ~ but I'm getting better}

I'm not going to hide my girlie side because of my scars
So when I got the comment the other day from a high school friend...Martha "take a picture" of you in a dress because I haven't seen it"...it made me laugh because she was completely right! rarely do people see me in a dress until now

this is me...and I now wear dresses...with not so pretty knees...well even not so pretty shins either...all those practices I didn't wear shin guards...


you know that plan that was revealed to me...I know it had to do with something bigger...because I didn't play soccer I found out about my fertility issues way sooner than I would have...and now hubby and I have two beautiful girls from His ingenious plan!


but my "dress" resolution I carried forward was a way for me not to cover up that part of myself anymore...God wanted me to let go as well as be proud  of myself in a healthy way so that I can give and become like Him....{  I've got a ways to go though:)  }

Dear Birthday Express...

please next time you send 2 catalogues in 2 weeks to entice my 3-year-old...soon to be 4-year-old with so many birthday ideas...

please make sure BOTH catalogues you send have the same cover...

my {could be photographic memory} daughter...seems to think that is NOT okay to switch it up for fun...

different does not catch her eye...catalogues that match do!

so as I hand her the new catalogue today upon its arrival so I can entertain her and get myself busy packing...

complete meltdown by her with the new catalogue...

she thought I intentionally "rearranged the pages" on the 1st catalogue because it was not how she remembered it...and proceeds to flip through the catalogue explaining that this should be the cover page...

as I find the first catalogue...I see that was in fact the "original" cover...

please do not rotate the covers...that is all I am saying because for my "type A" daughter it isn't great marketing...

and now I am not getting anything done because I am proving my case to my daughter that I pinky promise I did nothing to the 1st catalogue...we just received another catalogue different cover page...

of which when I was explaining it to her...I was laughing so hard I couldn't explain anymore...and she really didn't think that was funny at all...because I got the "look"

in summary please note:     she does not like seeing princess on the cover and inside cover...she preferred the mario on the cover and princess on the pages...like the first catalogue sent

that's all I'm askin'...

thank you for your consideration and time,

   from the mom of a daughter who doesn't like change either...

just add color...

i've been thinkin'....

it snowed here yesterday and today...
well actually I considered it more sleet yesterday which completely soaked me with the places we had to go yesterday...just ick...but this morning is beautiful with some snow.

this morning we have some sunlight...

and what better way to be able to look at the snow and think of the beach...

is to simply just add color...

so even though snow looks beautiful...I really think want to look at it and imagine the beach...
because next week that is where I'm at...
yes, with the hubby...
and no kiddos...

you may think that may cause a little bit of trouble...but I guarantee it won't ~ double guarantee... actually Bobby does for sure too...

So I brought a few of my favorite things to the snow because if I associate these things with the snow...I will actually think of the beach ~ a little mind "trick" you know.

I love beautiful, clean white...

and then to add color to it makes me happy...

just like for Madison...

I have too many projects going...her room has so much white {which we planned} and we {I} will add some color to it too...because she is a color girl...but I love the white so the color stands out more...and that is what I am working on for her too...

I'm off track again, I know...what's new, right? ~ I used to be so "on task" all the time...and now I'm not and I'm bouncing off the walls...

just like I stopped now because a hope for Haiti song is on the television {we play music during the mornings} and Cheryl Crow, Keith Urban, and Kid Rock are singing "Lean on Me" right now...

and I have always been a fan of all three...yes that means Kid Rock too...I realize some of his songs have quite detailed lyrics with not the best content...but have you ever actually listened to his voice...it is beautiful...the old soul rock voice...I love that!!! {I guess I shouldn't call Kid Rock's voice beautiful since he is a man, right} but it just is...and in that song where they are singing together...you can hear it.

I'm back on point again...

so

that is exactly what I did...

I brought a few of my favorite colored things in my home outside to imprint that image in my mind...

nothing is better than flowers...lillies...yes another favorite of mine...with color...and beautiful white snow with it!

Wonderful weekend everyone ~ enjoy!

I'm a bit nervous next week...I have something neat planned to show you...but it makes me really nervous...but I'm doing it anyway because it is a big step for me!

i'm in love....

with this dress

and this beautiful tank

but I am in fact staying away momentarily because I've got the bedroom to work on first...

but I have a feeling they will end up in my closet sometime this spring...

afterall...last year {beginning of '09} I made the promise to myself to wear more dresses...

and I'm sticking to it!

some food for thought...

tomotoes cut in the shape of hearts...are more appealing to Bobby...

{date is now noted that he actually ate a couple slices of tomatoes over the weekend}

cucumbers soaked in a marinade that tastes sweet are even LOVED by the hubby

{double note...he and Madison both ate a ton of them...Hayley not so much but she enjoyed the rest}

and it was all because they tasted sweet...

I do believe that ~

it is a fact that one way to a man's heart is definitely through his stomach...

without a doubt...

especially if it includes sweet stuff:)

he picked the recipe this time...and I'm assuming because I usually pick the ones with way too many vegetables in them...that he ends up kindly tossing aside as he is eating until the girls notice and he is cornered to eat a few bites...

we had a great time cooking together...{and I made sure not too many dishes were dirtied}...and we were happy because the girls loved the dinner too...so it is definitely a keeper...

and if it contains ginger ~ hubby is most likely to try it...and love it. He's a fan to say the least

We were given a cookbook for Christmas so the chosen recipe was

Red Ginger Chicken Satay

I was going to perhaps find a picture from Rocco's book to show...because I'm not knowledgeable in my camera's functions at all...well you probably figured that out already:)

but I guess me taking the pictures will allow you to see some plates of mine that remind me of my grandmother who passed away when I was a child...I have such a closeness with her...and I always feel her with me so everytime I put food on these plates they remind me of my her...and I love that...

I'm told to be quite similar in appearance and personality with her...and that makes me happy...so when those plates were discontinued years ago ~ right after we were married...I went and bought a few extra of what they had left on clearance so I would have extra in case any broke down the road...

I'm glad I did that years ago because I believe only one dish has broke...

Back to the recipe though right...that is in case you think it looks yummy enough to try...

I tell you the tomatoes in hearts makes the difference for some...but I won't say who again:)

Red Ginger Chicken Satay

from Rocco's Real Life Recipes

2 garlic cloves

1 cup pineapple juice

1 T sugar

2 t finely chopped ginger

6 T creamy peanut butter

2 t red wine vinegar

2 p. boneless, skinless chicken cut in cubes

16 bamboo skewers {I don't think we quite used 16}

these part of garnish and for taste

2 seedless cucumbers {we actually used regular and worked great}

2 sliced tomatoes

lime wedges

cilantro

crushed red pepper

one. in a large bowl mix together garlic, pineapple joice, sugar, ginger, peanut butter, and vinegar. Marinate chicken in 3/4 of marinade mixture for about 30 minutes...thread cubed chicken onto skewers.

two. Preheat grill/grill pan/broiler {we just decided to bake}. But if you use a grill or grill pan cook for 8 minutes or until cooked through.

three. in a medium bowl toss the sliced cucumbers with remaining marinade. Serve chicken on a bed of dressed cucumber slices. Garnish with sliced tomatoes, lime wedges, cilantro, and crushed red pepper.

ta-da...you've got a recipe

I hope your weekend was filled with yummy food too...

truth be told...

my heart has been heavy this week

for something great...

so what is a girl to do?

you may be wondering...

but I have the perfect solution today...

and I think it just may work...

for me anyway ~

photo courtesy of Coastal Living

I'm slapping a big ole' smile on my face...
because that view not only is beautiful but has hydrangeas in it...

and

because it is the weekend baby...it sure is...and I'm excited about that!

I couldn't be happier today

because last night ~ I hit "complete order"

and it was the happiest order I placed to date for anything...

I don't talk much about my work except to those who are interested...so please don't click away yet...pretty please because I'm not talking about it...I promise!

Everyone that personally knows me know I don't do this blog at all with business intentions...

for one...I cannot on the blog because we aren't able since I have a website...100% okay with me

and two...I love having this blog separate from what I do...

but my clients and myself helped in providing 
192 meals for Haiti with some of our ready made products...

and I couldn't have felt better

because when some of my clients asked to help...I was amazed that they took it upon themselves on such short notice to forward the message on ~ the cases ordered provided meals...

And I'm happy about that ~ ecstatic ~

I'm smiling...

And I have always been a believer that one person does make a difference

So I'm taking a deep breath for so many reasons this week right now...

And I'm pressing on just as we are supposed to do ~

I'm ready for a wonderful weekend ahead

I'd say have a latte with me everyone to start it off you know...

...but I've already had two "big" glasses of coffee...

And I have a feeling one more may put me over the edge you know...because honestly sometimes I think the coffee maker cup size is a lot smaller than what I consider a cup of coffee :)

I prefer my measuring when it comes to coffee ~ going by the size of one of my mugs rather than the coffee maker...

it sounds better to say

I've had two cups of coffee rather than maybe 3 1/2 to 4 cups, right?

this is one of those mornings I almost didn't want to get out of bed...and as Bobby got out of bed this morning...I asked...

more than once...

can you work from home today????...

by the way...he doesn't ever work from home...I think just a couple of times when sick perhaps...

I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask

you never know what you may be surprised with...

we've decided to find a new recipe this weekend and cook together... you see I cook to use the least amount of dishes possible...hubby doesn't...should be fun with a lot of laughs don't you think?

courtesy of Coastal Living

And what a pretty view from that table...I was thinking so!!

just a note...I wasn't using this post to advertise what I do at all...or share so that you would ask...I just wanted to share that it felt great to help make a difference :) xoxoxoxox

the sun shining has my mind wandering today...

The sun is shining bright today...

thank goodness ~ because it has been so dreary ~ and I love the sunlight...

When it is cold and dreary and the first sunlight appears again...it gets me itching for spring...

okay I know I should be saying "I am enjoying each day"

Lets be honest here...

I don't okay...

I am a spring/summer girl

I love fall and winter when they first come

But then my mind wanders

About the next spring and summer

Mostly because I love the sunlight

I love flowers

...especially my hydrangeas...

I know by now you are probably tired of hearing about my bedroom...

But I found something I love...

and I am trying to figure out a way to tell hubby about it without him rolling his eyes...

because I have all these ideas going...

and it is not "new" things I am wanting...

so it isn't the price or anything like that...

it is finding those old but new things in my home...

I have a problem with creating in my head

and then I can't seem to find a match to it

But did I mention I am in no rush...

I don't want to fill just to fill...

So right now...

I am thinking about those small little details

that don't necessarily need a match...

So as the sun is shining today...

I'm dreaming of my hydrangeas ~

 {here}

Did I tell you how much I love them?

Well if not which I am sure I have ~ I DO!

Even so much as I had them entirely in my wedding

on Bobby's boutineer...

In all the bouquets...

On our cake...

{I know that is a big no-no these days ~ fresh flowers on cakes...but I loved it that way}

I love them so much

All someone has to do is say "Hydrangea" and I'm smiling...

especially the blue ones...

and the white ones

and the pink ones

okay...I bet you are getting my drift now...

So since I love them so much ~ I came up with an idea...

This spring I am going to plant 5-6 more hydrangea bushes because I want them

in our house daily

In our retreat bedroom

And I even looked up how to dry them properly so at the end of summer

I can add them to our room

So I WANT

{I would typically say need but hubby has been correcting me a lot with the word need lately}

So I guess I have to say, "I want"

Plus it adds pretty to outside my home...

So today ~ I thought all about hydrangeas as I was doing things today...

and I'm so excited about it

I want to have all kinds

EVERYWHERE...

inside and outside my home

So I am not going to pretend that from January to March I am happy about the weather

I am going to be honest...

I'm not ~ I just prefer spring and summer~

So here is to making it through till next month when I am taking a week break

to be at the beach again

courtesy of hubby's job this time...

And then after we are on the home stretch of hydrangea planting...

Can't wait!

Wonderful Day! ~ the sun is shining bright!

little girls make the world go round....

Yes...I know what you are thinking...those of you that have boys...so do boys make the world go round...but I saw this saying on pajamas and just thought it was perfect...since I have girls and all...

little curls...
ruffles...
flowers...
pretty colors...
I love how they are and what they love already...

And what would have Daddy thought if we came home with one of these when he came back in town?...
just kidding...it would never happen especially with all that is around us...


but the girls LOVE them everytime we pick up our beloved Cadence's food...
they visit the fish...and save the birds for last...

Happy weekend everyone...
I'm off to hang some curtains...
and do a little business that I love...