five on april tenth

five years ago with an up and down not so fun delivery

we finally met our beautiful butterfly

Madison Ella

you arrived
with some of the strongest lungs they've heard
they said
but you had the longest eye lashes i had ever seen

i was completely in love with you

you had such beautiful petite features

and a full head of dark hair

that i just loved, loved!

after an hour or so after your birth
I was finally able to hold you

I didn't want to let you go

for anyone

even family

I wanted to cherish every single moment and study every single part on you

I think family had to remind me that they wanted to hold you too

there grew a special bond between both you and I
and Hayley and I...

with each pregnancy

 i had to have ultrasounds every 3-4 weeks

for various reasons

so the bond we had before you even arrived was so special

I wouldn't change our journey for you and hayley at all

it was all for a reason

but i still remember seeing you just 8 cells big

I was laying in the hospital room

just praying that this time was "the time" it was going to happen

Madison you are our miracle

you are such a blessing that we are so very thankful for

and when i woke up this past Sunday morning
~ your birthday ~

tears just welled up in my eyes

and i literally just cried

tears of happiness

joy

  thankfulness

and tears of just knowing i am always proud of you

i remember our journey for you so well

and I've tucked that back for many years

because when we were blessed with you

we just wanted to move forward

it became the past

and our present and future was with you

 the pain is just a distant memory

all thankfully behind us now

 yesterday you were five

and as daddy and I tucked you into bed last night

i remembered you were born about one hour and 20 minutes
before 8:45 pm

I cannot believe how quickly these past 5 years have gone by

I want to hold on tight and freeze time right now 

because i know it is going to fly by even faster

I'm so proud of you

for all that you are

and all that I see in you

for all that you have grown in just these past couple of months

with believing in yourself
having fun
and showing the "you" that we know well

as I'm typing right now

I'm thinking of the day when we found out
that we were pregnant

they warned us carefully that we were not out of the clear yet

but after three years

of things not working

I really knew you would and had to be okay

when my phone rang with them calling to give us the news
either way news

I was shaking

standing in our hallway

of our first home

 I had Bobby answer the phone because I couldn't...

 I may have been already crying with just the rush of feelings

daddy's eyes immediately welled up and a smile came across his face

 I immediately smiled after looking at him

Madison, we are so grateful for you

and so grateful that because of you

we were able to be blessed with Hayley twenty-three months later

five years later on April 10th

our little butterfly has grown up into a little girl

ready for kindergarten next year

{sigh}

you have always been so determined

focused

with every single thing you do

you have one of the biggest hearts i have ever known

kindness that is as sweet as can be

and a passion that radiates from your soul

you are the first to always offer me help

with anything and everything

and you do it with so much love

not too long ago...

Hayley was so tired and i was helping her brush her teeth

and I had just taken her sheets out of the dryer before her bedtime

and hadn't made her bed yet

i mentioned to hayley I would make her bed as soon as I was done helping her

I walked into hayley's bedroom

and you had already put her pillow and laid a blanket on Hayley's bed
for your sister

just because you wanted to help me
and do something nice for her

my heart just swelled with so much love and thankfulness

because Madison... you have such a joy when helping others

and helping your sister was the sweetest...

Madison

you 

inspire me to be better

every single day

your love language...

is definitely affirmation

and acts of service could be a close second

you are our butterfly that...

loves chocolate cupcakes/cake like her daddy

loves strawberries, oranges, and blackberries

fairy trees {broccoli and cauliflower}

"cacongos"
 {cacongos are coconut m &m's...but you call them "cacongos"}

 you love eating el fresco

 you love...

mahi mahi

gnocchi

{which you and Hayley call "p~nocchi"}

you love to help me decorate

and snuggle with me right before your bedtime

you love...

"Wednesday night" movie night

your family

friends

Jesus

Cadence

puzzles and games

you don't like to loose

especially when you and I race Daddy and Hayley into stores

{we usually always win...chuckle}
except when we lost "once"
you were not happy about that:)
neither was I:)

you are way too hard on yourself

very sensitive

loveable

stubborn

and super organized

you love to be a "fashionista"

{picking out/designing clothes}

you even dressed me for saturday before both of your birthday parties

you picked out my shoes and all my accessories

I think you could be my personal shopper 

you love white

your vintage chandelier in your bedroom

and vibrant colors

I always knew you would be a color girl

you love your sister

Hayley and you seem like long lost twins

as you two sometimes talk in your own language

you love, love the beach as much as we do

and you love to help me cook

 you usually have your foot stool by the counter

ready to help me

i love how silly you are in the car

and how you love to sing and dance to super fun songs with me

you are head over heals for Taylor Swift

and i cannot wait to surprise you this fall with her concert

I am so proud of you my sweet one

you are one of a kind

a little girl with such a big heart

Happy 5th Birthday

Madison Ella

we love you so much

xo

absence

it's spring weather...

finally!

these past couple of days

have just been wonderful!

i thought i would do a quick check-in with you all

i do apologize for not visiting anyone...

i've been without my computer for three days now

and it finally arrived this evening before i had to leave

so right now i'm a happy girl that i have it back

and i just wanted to send my hellos

it's really been creative for me to use my phone's internet

more difficult

so i just haven't done so...

and because my mobile blog reading doesn't work out either

because i can't view all the options on my phone

i haven't visited anyone

so i do apologize

i've just been knee deep in creatively working

and planning a couple birthday celebrations all in one day tomorrow

so i thought i'd leave you with

my crab apple tree blooming

which i am so excited about

because this is the first tree to make it in this certain spot in our yard

and it's gorgeous!

happy weekend everyone

i'll be back soon

once i can find some air

xo

a place of comfort...

this past weekend

I went to a retreat with some girlfriends

and it was one of my favorite weekends

it was full of laughs

tears

memories

 love and support

it was about

comfort

 acceptance

and growing

I am so thankful....so grateful

for an amazing weekend of acceptance

and love

their are no words

to describe

what those two days meant to me

color intervention

okay maybe this could be called

"a color and pattern intervention"

perhaps...

my good friend Julie came to stay with us during spring break

and that oh so nice to have her around all day

it's wonderful to have great friendships in my life
and I've known her since my junior year in high school
and she's a bestie!

I really think the girls wanted to trade me for her by the end of her stay

they had a blast

so we took it upon us to do some girl things

since Madison pointed out there was 5 girls in the house all at once

{including Cadence}

and that's pretty exciting to her

so Julie knew I was motivated this spring and summer to bring more

"color"

and

"patterns"

into my wardrobe...
and she's a color girl
so she happily helped

I honesty don't really buy much for myself very often

just a few things here and there

so I really did need to add a few things to my wardrobe

for work reasons

and just plain "feel good" reasons 

so I'm on a mission to buy more than gray, purple, blue, and brown

and if I do...

at least a buy it in a pattern...

not just solids

so now I'm wearing a bit more color

I found some of the best things

 at H&M

and Target

even though we didn't go to Target to buy clothes

we both ended up doing so:)

not a single thing was expensive that I purchased

which makes an anthro trip sometime this month all the more possible

according to Bobby

{ahem}

maybe 2 1/2 weeks possible I'm hoping

{wink, wink to the hubs on that one}

{hope he's actually paying attention to this post}

so anyway...

I thought I'd show you what we got

it's always more fun to shop with a girl friend anyway

especially if you are as indecisive as I am

getting yes/no responses is just so nice

compared to

thinking

"hmmm...

should I or shouldn't I?

what if I don't like it in a month?"

yada yada yada

okay so here are some things purchased

some of the colors scare me

but I am going to get back to color

and no I'm not showing them all on me

just this one:)

because if we are talking about wardrobe...

 it makes sense to actually show something worn, I guess...

which really isn't new

but anyway...

I was going to show this picture instead...

so I didn't have to show all of my face

but then I realized...

geez...

kind of shows my messy bedroom

I'm awful, awful at putting clothes away

the rest of the house is okay

it's my bedroom

{and the closet}

that is like a war zone

except for the bed

I always get the bed made

there's something about climbing into a bed

with cool sheets at night that is always nice

keeping up with laundry...

not so much

so just don't look too close to the clothes on the floor

k?

I found Miss Cadence snuggled up in her bed

she usually likes to pose for pictures

this one...

she wasn't so happy about

okay before I get sidetracked again

I'll show you what I have...

we have marigold yellow

yikes!

this dress was ordered

my heart literally raced when I clicked purchase

{not because of price but because of the color}

 I do have a pretty flower belt to go with the marigold dress

just forgot to put it around the dress for you all to see

so above we have prints, coral, vintage scarf,

and even a skirt

haven't bought a skirt in years

since I've been on the dress kick

so it's something new and fun for me

already had the belt

found the cutest shoes at H&M not pictured

so it was an easy outfit to create

it feels good to finally have some new additions to the closet

courtesy of a little intervention

{...ahem...help}

of a friend, mind you

but I'm following through with this mission

I want to do better at dressing how I feel 

which is a little bit more color

even though I love me some white and blues for my house and wardrobe

color just makes you feel good 

Madison was even so excited for me in the dressing room

she started getting into it

{because she is my color girl}

"mama...those shoes you are wearing today would match that dress"

as she brought them over to me so I could see in the mirror

I swear she could be my personal shopper!

it was a fun couple of days

we made it to the butterfly house

and absolutely loved it
had some wonderful food
enjoyed some wine together
and just plain relaxed too!

Hayley got a bick freaked out because of the amount of butterflies

especially after we told her one was on her back for quite some time

but it was beautiful inside with all the flowers and greenery

it has me looking forward to green grass, warm weather, and lots of outdoor enjoyment

thanks Julie for a great visit

I'm off tonight for a fun event tonight

and then spending the weekend with some wonderful girls at a retreat

I feel so thankful for all my great friendships

happy weekend to you all

xo

this little child of mine...

I have a little message
for this little child of mine


I've been so hesitant to even open up about this
because it makes me hold a mirror up to myself in may ways too
but when it comes to my kiddos
I would do anything for them


I have a precious almost 5-year-old
that is a perfectionist
that does not like perform, talk, etc. in group settings

unless she can do it perfectly

this little child of mine
wants to study something so precisely
before she even tries the first time

she wants to do it perfectly the very first time


this little child of mine
is waaay too hard on herself
definitely more than she should be
and that breaks my heart at times


she wants to take on it all
precisely.perfectly.and.without.failure
every.single.time
to me…
that’s not reasonable
to be quite honest

so this sweet child of mine
I do worry about


I've even been told by a couple of people
"what's happened to her? she wasn't always this way..."
{really, hmmm…}


...a little sting to me as a parent
“when sorry...”
is what I want to say
“you are wrong”


she has in fact always been this way
since the day she was born
both of my children are not like this
Madison and Hayley are completely different
so I know it is with her personality


and with different children you have to do things a little different
depending on that child

this little child of mine has always been
extremely motivated, organized, precise,
and eager to learn/study to get it "perfect"
especially in front of others



she has always been particular
strong
determined
even to hold her head up very early {as a newborn}
she was determined
to crawl and walk so so early
she was determined


I do know Madison
I am her mother
maybe over-protective at times
as I can relate to her personality
so I just want to hold and love on her


I have a sweet child of mine
that takes on so much with that little heart of hers

for a parent knows their child more than anyone
one of the beauties/responsibilities of being a parent
in my eyes
is that you can acknowledge
and see these traits when they aren’t helping them grow
and I have seen them bring her down a bit in her confidence and belief
so Bobby and I are doing something about it


I don't want to change this child of mine and the way she is “wired”
I want to improve, encourage, and grow her belief
I want her to learn to use those traits in a very positive/healthy way
a way that only helps her to succeed and reach her dreams later in life


I want her to be careful about setting unreasonable expectations of herself

I feel like there are days when I can’t tell her enough:


“God made you perfectly just the way you are…
 you don’t have to be perfect…
mistakes are more than okay to make
that's part of life”


all the things I have really learned or succeeded in life
I failed in the beginning or
I’ve had to keep trying
to get better
she is at such a young age that
she doesn't quite fully grasp that concept
{and I don't expect her to...I just want to help her along}


"It's okay to make mistakes"
"It's okay to fail
wipe yourself off and get back up"
"It's okay to have to try again"


every.single.thing,in.my.life.that.has.meant.the.most
I've worked for
I've had to practice at
I've had to fail at
I've had to get better
and I've had to embrace myself with my limits
I do want my kids to still see I make mistakes all the time

this little child of mine
I want to just hold and protect
and tell her all that every chance I get

we wanted her to find her niche
something that didn’t involve me always telling her
and something she could work at herself


she needed this
 something she could learn in a group setting
and not be afraid to make mistakes in front of others


she needed something that had things she could accomplish and try again at
she needed to BELIEVE in herself
that she could do it
all on her own


I want to see this child use her traits to blossom
grow
and to always be herself


I wanted to let her know that she can try new things in group settings
and not *always* get it right
but with practice, study, and trying again she will get more comfortable
she will get it


and that is why


my sweet child of mine
is now taking tae kwon do
and I couldn't be more proud of her after 2 1/2 weeks of it
seriously
I have seen this child of mine
blossom more in these past couple of weeks than ever before


she was very intimidated to begin the first week
both Hayley and her are taking classes together
it really helped to have her sister, Hayley, there in the beginning


now after 2 ½ weeks Madison is keeping her sister “in line” in class
and helping Hayley
line up
run laps
and be quiet when it’s time to listen


 in class…
Madison is trying
and not always getting it right
but you know what
she is getting back up with a smile on her face
having fun
and trying again until she does


that makes me a proud mama right there
her just trying again
and having fun with it


that is all I will ever ask of this child of mine

before she started...I talked with her instructor about my worries with her
about how I want her to BELIEVE in herself
I want her to learn how to make mistakes and continue on
and learn from having to practice
not perfectionism


I want her to be comfortable with herself
and appreciate her strengths
not focusing on her weaknesses
unless it is to work on them in a healthy way


I want this little girl to be confident
and see herself succeeding
I want her to approach new opportunities without even thinking about it
I want her to know that perfection is not what is important
but more importantly
learning from everything she does is what is important


I think we have found "that something"
that is helping her with all of that
to see this little girl’s confidence grow and bloom
has brought me some tears during her class
happy tears of course that are quickly wiped away
{I swear I cry at everything they do now}


Miss Madison
is very proud and happy about her uniform by the way
yesterday before her class she wanted to put it on
and pose for me in a pictures
all poses volunteered by her
{she particularly loves that she has a belt by the way}


I just think that is the cutest
how excited she is


this sweet child of mine
I will always be very proud of you

{btw...the "wait and see" song I just love in that He does have a plan for each of us
obviously all the wording doesn't all apply to Madison with some things}

a celebration in photos

yes...I'm way over due on posting about the celebration
almost a week late
ouch...

there were a ton of pictures just because of her birthday on the 15th

and then her party on the 19th...

I thought I would just do
"a celebration in pictures"
from both days

I hope you enjoy

and if you couldn't tell her theme she chose was Tangled...

so maybe that helps explain some of the decor for the party

we had a fabulous time on her birthday
 I had a very special day with her last Tuesday

just her and I during the day
and then an evening of just close family

Saturday was very much a get together for the adults as well as the kids
{smile}

but that's just how we do it with friends

the kiddos love to play together

and the adults love to have fun together

fair warning to you all...

there are a lot of pictures

Happy weekend to you all

xo

and Saturday's celebration with many friends and family

Welcome to the Snuggly Duckling restaurant...

root beer floats for the kiddos...

I will say the first time I served soda to any children...

but when you are trying to do a "kid bar"

how could I not...

the adults enjoyed captain morgan or rum in theirs...

of course mine was not with root beer but Coca Cola

of course lanterns were a big part of the movie...

so a must for the party

 colorful flowers for Rapunzel...

so of course flowers for Hayley and the party

I usually find a way to add flowers to any party:)

and we could do without many many pascals

Rapunzel's friend in the movie

the girls colored about 20 of these for me

and then we cut and glued them to make them 3D

these little guys were so cute!

for the kids table...

I lined it with white paper from Madison's easel

filled galvanized buckets with crayons

placed the pascal blowers

and mini pascals

and let the kids write/draw whatever they wanted on the table

for the menu

we did bbq/bar type food because of the Snuggly Duckling bar in the movie

it probably wasn't the same food as in the movie

but hey we had 30+ people with kiddos

so wanted some easy food too:)

you can scroll back up to the menu to see what we had

but fyi

the smokies and "bean bags"

Madison calls meatballs...bean bags {just in case you were wondering}

but we had Irish butter and honey whip on french and asiago cheese bread

and croissants filled with spreads

nutella

lemon curd

strawberry spread

{since in the movie breads, butters, and cheeses was what her "fake" mom often brought back}

dragonfly cookies for my dragonfly

Maximus the horse...

who was my favorite character

maybe because Maximus was the name of our other min pin too:)

but we couldn't find a Maximus

so we borrowed Dora's unicorn

I wrapped her in burlap so you didn't see pink:)

and we had a temporary Maximus

one of my favorite parts were these cute edible flowers I found on etsy

for her cupcakes

we had Hayley's favorite two cakes

vanilla bean

and strawberry

the strawberry icing was to die for so hopefully next week I'll post the recipe

{that's Eugene in front of the candles...

the girls call him "Eugene" not Flynn Rider which I think is cute}

{this is Hayley with her love, Jay}

I got some cute photos with all 10 kiddos together but since I forgot to ask the parental's permission to post them...

I'll just show a couple with some of my besties

the men like to call us

"The Real Housewives of {our town}"

{without the drama}

{and one friend not pictured since she was sick}

I love celebrations

and this was a fun one